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Monday, 31 December 2007 |
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In June 2006 a man was wrenched from his employment and forced to accept a (albeit generous) redundancy package, having served the same company for some 41 years. That man was Hilary Francis Fortnum. I am that aforementioned person. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary it is clear to me that I have led an amazing life. From discovering an ants' nest in my mother's back garden in 1954, to seeing Tommy Cannon at the Elvington Air Show in 1989, my life has been a rollercoaster of experiences, emotions, challenges and team bonding exercises. That is why I have chosen to write it all down and, at the beginning of 2007 I started to write my autobiography, provisionally titled - Hilary Fortnum - The Autobiography. I am currently less than a third of the way through. In the meantime I have spent my retirement doing jobs in the garden, going to the pub with my best friend Terry Corbett and sending emails to the great and the good, and the rubbish. It started when I tried to get the national press (and Max Clifford) interested in a story about a wasps' nest and has taken me on a journey that has seen me have my heart broken by Calum Best, failed to break the world press up record, been reassured that there is nothing extraordinary about having four poos in one day and, ultimately, be crowned King of Wetherby (and surrounding areas) and the WBA Heavyweight Champion of the World (both in the same week). More recently I have become a campaigner on behalf of dead animals (even foxes) seeking to outlaw the shocking practice of necro-bestiality. I have also guest edited Heat magazine (kind of), advised the British Medical Association on how to tackle obesity and tried to avoid hell by wearing a wristband. Much of all of this is charted in this website (what started as a mini-project on MySpace has ballooned into a slightly larger one on my own website) and anything that doesn't appear on the website will be in the book which I hope to self-publish before I die (unless any book publishers want to take a chance on my story). Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the website. You might be best placed reading the "News" section first, it contains all my notes, communications and scrawlings. If you like what you read, why not join the Hilary Army (see the link on the left hand side). |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 12 June 2008 )
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Saturday, 19 July 2008 |
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Two news stories have caught my eye this week UK “loving Angels instead” First up was the news that Josef Stalin is coming out on top in a Russian public vote to find the most significant Russian in history. Commentators in the UK have observed that his being Georgian and ordering the genocide of many millions of people should have disqualified him from this honour. But before the Brits get all high and mighty it’s worth a reflection on who made the top 100 in the BBC’s 100 Greatest Britons poll in 2002. According to the British public Robbie Williams is greater than David Lloyd George. One of these men introduced the welfare state to the UK, the other wrote a song called Rudebox (“If you rudebox me I’ll rudebox your whole crew”). UK Government looking sheepish The other, and perhaps more profoundly important, news story of the week caught my eye on the BBC website on Friday. All I can say, at this stage, is that someone has had sex with a sheep and two sheep are dead. I don’t know exactly what order these events took place in but I do know that, if they took place in reverse order, then the lawmakers at Westminster are going to be left with egg on their faces and yet another pervert will be walking the streets of Broken Britain (© News Group Newspapers). We’ll watch this case with (morbid) interest over the coming weeks. Finally, and in the spirit of animal dignity, I have blogged this week about Perpetual Pets. I do hope you enjoy reading about this sensible and rewarding solution to animal mortality. Click here. |
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 19 July 2008 )
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Saturday, 10 May 2008 |
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Inspired by this letter from lawyer Sir Montague de Courcey Rampton I have commenced my most noble and important campaign so far – to criminalise the act of necro-bestiality (having sex with a dead animal to you and I). I have no idea if anyone out there is actually performing this heinous act on animal corpses but, I figure, why take a chance? The campaign is under way immediately with letters to the Justice Ministry, Stephen Williams MP, David Davis MP and the Daily Mail. You too can support the campaign by writing to your local MP, standing on a street corner shouting through a loud-hailer or just thinking “that’s a good idea”. And I have contacted a prominent and powerful supporter to the cause - Lord Lucas. With his knowledge of politics and felching I can't fail to get a bill through parliament outlawing necro-bestiality. Here's my missive to him. You can now support the cause by joining the Facebook and MySpace groups I've set up to promote the campaign. I've tried to garner support from animal rights activist (and boob shower) Jodie Marsh and from celebrity MP Lembit Öpik but neither of them seem that bothered. Presumably they think it's ok to bugger a dead sheep, I know I don't. |
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Last Updated ( Monday, 09 June 2008 )
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